we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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