Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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