If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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