bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
