I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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