: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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