I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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