I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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