sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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