I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sex in a hospital.. check
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
