So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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