No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
