And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
