worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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