we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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