it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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