Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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