He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
