It's like God shit irony all over that family
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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