i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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