I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
