Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
