what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
