how can u be prego again
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I need to stop coming to work sober
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
