is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
