So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
