nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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