I accidentally burped into my bong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
