I'm going to jail i love you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
