so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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