chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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