hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
