So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
