OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
