Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
