I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
