i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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