We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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