What a fucking waste of an outfit
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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