I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
