kristin has been a bad kristin
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
