420 ftw
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
