I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
