Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
