Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
