Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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