smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
