Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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