no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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