my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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