I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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