After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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